Where's My Jaffa Cakes?!

Dear Lyla,
My pawrents were very angry with me and i'm not sure why?! Please helps me. They decided to leave me while they went out for a romantic meal for two (not sure why I wasn't barking invited but oh well). Shortly after they left I spied a packet of open jaffa cakes on the dinning table, so I got on the back of the sofa, skimmed along the window ledge, jumped on the dinning chair and squeezed my way up on to the table. I then worked my way through the entire packet. 
When they returned shortly after I finished the packet, I could see how upset and angry my mumma was. She frantically telephoned someone and I was rushed to the vets. 
Can you please tell me why I was taken to the worst place in the world for eating a packet of goodness left out for me? If they didn't want me to eat these special cakes; then don't make it so easy... huh?!
Dear Betty,
To be honest... I'm really not sure what to say to this. I maybe feel like I should speak with them or they should seek help themselves? I means -- doesn't sound like you had to perform any special gymnastic moves to get on the table at all! Sounds like they are in the wrong. Lock them in the cupboard if they don't want you to eat them!
Betty, I was just googling jaffa cakes after responding as I really quite fancy one now. HOWEVER! Your pawrents were doing the correct thing. i've discovered that chocolate is very poisonous for us, that's why they rushed you to the vets. I do stand by that leaving them 3.5 feet above you on the dinning table to me; sounds like they were left out for you... surely?
Love to you all
Lyla x

My Camo Doesn't Bring All The Dogs To The Yard

Dear Lyla,
I'm a stunning cockapoo with a beautiful caramel coat BUT i'm tired of the boys in the yard overlooking me. My pawrents dress me in camo and I believe it prevents Derek the Dachshund from noticing me.
What can I do? Please help!
Carrie the Cockapoo xx
Dear Carrie,
Speaking from experience (pre Higgins), just pop on your Christian Louboutins, apply the luscious strawberry red Anastasia Beverly Hills Lipstick and do the "Bend & Snap". He'll soon drop his shake'a'fox and come bounding your way.
But just remember you're pawfect the way you are! And use protection!
Love Lyla x